Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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