It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
