capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
