Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
