if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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