FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
