i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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