my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
