Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
