im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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