Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
