I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
