And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
