In the future we'll all be gay
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
