Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize