He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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