Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
