I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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