She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.