Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
