Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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