Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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