I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.