Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.