i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
