I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
