He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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