so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
