we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
