Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
