ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
