if you like me you must not know who I am
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
