your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
