let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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