and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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