He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
