She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
