Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
