he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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