Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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