i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
