I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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