just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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