We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Houston, we have a squirter
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
