Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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