I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
