I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
look no pants
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
