this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
