too bad you live with your parents still
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
