I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
