i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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