Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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