gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
