when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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