i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
