Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
