Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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