I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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