oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
