you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
