I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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