Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
