Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
