An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
