So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
