That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
