but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
