Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
