Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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