my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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