I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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