I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
