I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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