I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
