I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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