I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
