Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
