I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
