she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
