Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In America we eat man semen.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
