it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
