.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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