he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
