hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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