You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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