apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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