We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
